aaamusic | On 21, May 2012

Entitling an EP Treading Water is an open invitation to smart-arse critics to make some very obvious allusions to the nature of the music – and I’m certainly not going to be one to avoid such lazy and unimaginative tactics. Halfway To New York’s latest EP lives up to its name spectacularly. It’s guitar pop that adheres to every cliché and well-worn formula in the manual, featuring nothing you won’t have heard a million times before and containing about as much individual character as a slab of concrete. Personally, I’d rather listen to a band at least trying to do something original or distinctive and failing horribly, rather than having to sit through this sludge of mediocrity which doesn’t sink or swim, but merely bobs along on the surface like rotting driftwood.
Of course there’s nothing wrong in adhering to genre and following in the footsteps of other artists, but eventually it gets to a point where all invention is lost and any effect the music once had is rendered tired and irritating. Such is the case with this EP, which plunders the well-worn furrow of sentimental guitar ballads, familiar from the likes of Snow Patrol, The Script and The Doves. The result is yet another collection of songs which mistake simplicity and banality with depth and emotion.
Title track Treading Water features all the trademark platitudes: the big opening replete with cheesy riffs and constant bludgeoning from the guitar, suddenly scaling down into a soft and sentimental verse; mind-numbingly dull lyrics featuring the standard pseudo-analysis about relationships; harmonies that wouldn’t seem out of place on a Justin Bieber track; and your average non-intimidating, ‘in touch with his feminine side’ lead male vocals.
This is followed by more of the same on second number We Were Wrong, presumably written about the moment these guys decided their songs were good enough to make it worthwhile doing an EP. I could swear I’ve heard this song before, but that might just be as it is one of the most generic sounding songs you’re ever likely to hear. Nothing I can say will convey this as effectively as just quoting you the lyrics to the chorus: “You said that this would last forever, When others fell we’d stand strong, I thought we’d always be together, I was wrong.” Well, boohoo! Yet another song about a failed relationship – and pretty much exactly the same as every other song ever written about a failed relationship. You know, it’s enough to make you wish that all these idiots would just stay together for all eternity, if only to save us from these endless dirges about their tragic, doomed romances, which are all oh-so interesting and unique in the history of mankind that it’s worthwhile writing songs about them.
Needless to clarify, this band isn’t really my cup of tea. However, for the sake of fairness and impartiality, it is worth pointing out that many people may quite like them, as they are at least competent at what they do. Just don’t play them anywhere near me.

★★★★★

Rupert Uzzell