aaamusic | On 30, Sep 2010

It is very rare that I listen to an album and genuinely wonder whether the band is a joke but unfortunately that is the only possible excuse for this album.
The opening track to the album ‘L.A. Trumpets’ should be the track that hooks your attention into the album but instead it leaves a sense of dread about what might come next. The moment the singer says, “Naive New Beaters… Keeping it Cool,” it becomes increasingly apparent that this is the complete opposite of what the band actually achieves on this album.

It is not the genre that is the problem; more that a genre doesn’t exist for this kind of tosh. The band’s own words say that they incorporate elements from rap, rock and electro house and these styles are apparent on the album. The issue isn’t their influences; the problem is that none of these elements are incorporated into the album in a successful way. The key to good rap music involves wit, originality or at the very least speed to cover up the inarticulateness of what you are trying to say. Unfortunately, Naive New Beaters do not succeed in any of these areas. The rapping is painfully slow to the extent that it makes the group seem as though this album is in some way a parody of the genres that they state inspire them. Perhaps speed would not be a problem were it not for the fact that the rhymes that the band uses are so mundane and dull that the overwhelming feeling at the end of the album is one of genuine horror. It is not even the fact that the band are talking about middle of the road things that makes the lyrics so horrendous, it is the fact that what they are talking about doesn’t even make any sense. Perhaps the worst example of this is in “Live Good” the third track on the album, “I’m flexible to responsible, Qualifications, microwavable, and if you think I’m lying, well you’d better game-ble.” The way that the band seems to labour over every word and force rhymes just makes the listener wonder why on earth they decided to make an album that incorporated rap elements so heavily.

What I find particularly irritating is that some of the tracks start with promise in terms of the instrumental; “Just Another Day” is probably the best example of this. The backing track would be entirely inoffensive were it not for the horrendous vocals that have been shoved over the top of it. Indeed, the track lacks a cohesion that could be added were the vocals to just be a simple melody as opposed to the strange rap talking style that Naive New Beaters have made their own.
The band asks, “Could you be my love, if I’m not number one,” and one only hopes that the muse behind ‘Dual Income No Kids’ answered yes as there is no threat of Naive New Beaters being a chart success in the near future.

Frankly the only thing of note in this review is the fact that I managed to listen to the entire album; an achievement in itself.

Author: Josie Payne